Falling in love is something that many of us hope we will do in our lives and when we’re in a new relationship, we might begin to ask ourselves whether or not what we have could lead to where we want. In the early throes of a partnership, it’s easy to get caught up in the moment and see the world through rose tinted glasses but in many cases, we can mistake our initial attraction as being something much stronger than it actually is. Before we have really got to know our other half, we can declare ourselves madly in love without taking a closer look at what might really be going on. Mistaking feelings of attachment as being those of love is an incredibly common thing to do and something that we are all prone to. If you’re not sure what you’re feeling, take a closer look; you might just save yourself a little heartbreak along the way.
- Attachment Is Selfish
When we are truly in love with someone, we don’t think about what they can give us but rather, how we might make their life a little easier. Truly loving someone means sometimes putting their needs before your own and focusing on what makes them happy. In turn, seeing the one you love happy serves to brighten your mood; it is a continuous circle. Attachment, however, focuses on how someone else can improve your life, relying on him or her to make you feel better about yourself. If you’re keeping score of things you have done, you might not be in love with your partner.
- Attachment Can Be Controlling
Loving someone means giving them the space and time in which to truly be themselves and to do the things that make them happy, too. Seeing your friends and other loved ones is part and parcel of a normal and happy relationship and often, in order to thrive, you need time apart from your loved one. If you’re experiencing attachment, however, you are more likely to try and control your partner’s time, perhaps even discouraging them from spending evenings with other people. Keeping someone close at all times is a sure fire way to drive them away and if you find yourself begrudging the time your other half is alone, it might be time to start asking why.
- Attachment Boosts Your Ego
How open and comfortable are you in your relationship? The more at ease that we feel with someone, the less likely we are to be self centred and closed off, instead opening up about the things that make us feel insecure. Attachment rarely leads to openness in relationship and, in the hopes of keeping up appearances, we are more likely to try and make ourselves feel better, rather than focusing on the other person.
- Attachment Is About Power
When you’re in a truly loving relationship, the question of power shouldn’t even be an issue; both parties have equal power in different areas and as a result, you enjoy a relationship that is as balanced as it is healthy. Attachment, however, tends to focus elsewhere and if you’re in this kind of relationship, you and your loved one are more likely to battle for the prime position. You each want to make sure you’re not the one being hurt in your relationship and as a result, you can do a great deal of lasting damage. If it’s all about how you feel, the relationship might not be working.
- Attachment Has An End Date
If you feel like you’re permanently waiting for something better to come along, you could be experiencing attachment. Whereas love doesn’t feel like it’s running out or on the clock, an attached relationship can often feel like there is a deadline in place and before long, it might just run out. If you’re constantly wondering where you will be in X months time, it could be a sign that your relationship is not the one for you and that it’s time to get out. There is nothing wrong with experiencing attachment rather than love but if you’re searching for something truly lasting, it might be worth asking if what you have is really working for you.